a lost sheep

I've given myself a month's time to solve my problem and half a month had already passed in a flash. Instead of getting more relieved or half-way through solving the problem, I've became more and more vexed than before. I'm now completely at a lost of what I should do. Really lost!

I've been trying real hard to solve the problem, not really solve, but to try to stop thinking about it in a month's time. I wanted to push it to the back of my mind and not think about it, yet I didn't manage to do so.

Yes, I've been thinking whether I should go for it instead of just pushing it back of my mind, but I don't dare to give it a try. I remember I used to tell myself and others, "Don't live with regrets"; but where's my courage now? Just a simple or easy step which I can just do and my problem will be solved, but I don't dare to go for it. Why?

Most probably I'll keep all these thoughts to myself and not share with anyone anymore. Those who knew about my problem, I think that's all you all are going to know. Maybe I'm not going to update you guys anymore. I'll just keep this to myself and only one will know although HE might not be able to supply me with the answers I want to know. At least I can confide in HIM as HE's willingly to listen to my long long speech, story etc.

As for consultation wise, I'll consult my colleague(s) will do. I'll ask in terms of a third person in a casual talk like that. Get their opinions and make my decision. (Only 2 colleagues know my problem, the others don't. Thus, will be asking them through a normal conversation with them so that they won't suspect anything.)

I'm really feeling tired. I don't know how long I can take it further. Maybe I'll seek for way(s) to relief myself. Try something which I've never done before. Of course, I won't let anyone know about it as that's going to give a bad impression. Well, say say only. Don't think will execute it. Haha~ As I said, I don't have the courage to do so. Dare to say, Don't dare to try/go for it. Haha~