1. Planning and Organizing
I hate planning and orgainizing! No matter is in terms of gathering or project work. I just hate! For project work, I don't understand why I must be the one allocating work for the group. I just don't really like it. Everyone in the team has the right to take care of the project, not just me. PLEASE!! Someone just take charge of one project each and start allocating work, or ask members to gather together to discuss project work. No need to tell me that it's time to allocate or do project work. You all can just do it yourself. I don't really ask you all whether it's time to discuss project. However, I still need to thank you all for starting to take initiative, asking for the dicussion or what so ever to be done. Really a big thanks! It's a great improvement shown in our team. Really.. I appreciate it. I just writing out my unhappiness which happened last or last last semester whereby most of you seem to be waiting for instructions only. I also know that I'm very stubborn at times, and my temper is really bad, especially when I felt that our project is not progressing well. I know sometimes I rejected ideas or what without careful thoughts about it. I would like to apologise to all of you. I'm so sorry. (You should know who you are.)
As for planning or organizing gathering, the problem I dislike most is how to coordinate everyone's timing in order to make the gathering a successful one (though this problem is a sure problem to exist). Everytime we agreed upon a certain date and timing, there seems to be changes in the end. This feeling really sucks from head to toe. Those of you had never plan before, you would not understand how it feels. Especially when all the details are being settled that person alone, the effort being put in, the enthusiasm that in instilled in our heart, it just shattered when the plan is declared cancelled. As these feelings accumulate over time, you will just simply hate organizing outings. It's true, I don't bluff you.
2. F+S+U
No comes to talk about other things. I always have low self esteem. I don't have confidence in myself. Sometimes I really dislike myself. Asking myself the reasons for my existence in this world whereby I'm just role-playing a passerby, a loner or simply, someone invisible. No one will notice me. Ha~ Why do I feel that way? Just simple 3-alphabets reason ---> F+S+U (You guys are clever people, you should know what it stands for. There's not a need to expand out the words I guess. One clue ---> my appearance. If still don't get it, let me know.) Well, over all these years in my life, I've already gotten used to the comments by my relatives, friends etc. I've already accepted this fact, I don't deny. I'll try to work towards it, and I hope to make all of you think of me differently by 21 years old (hopefully). I"LL WORK HARD! JIA YOU!
3. My Little Whole World
There are times I really wanna shut myself in my own world. Wanna get away from all of you. I believe that it's possible for me to do that since I'm just invisible or passerby. No one will even notice that I'm missing in their lives. I'll just do whatever I like, there's not a need for me to care about what others will think about me. I can just do it my way. Plus, I no need to know what's happening around me, my friends etc. I don't need to care if my friends like me not. I'll be just ME, MYSELF and I. Isn't it great? Well.. I just can't do it! I hate the feeling of lonliness! I need to talk to people (maybe because I love to crap also.. Haha..) In the end, this thought just vanished into thin air.
4. Non-Noticeable
Since young, I've always been obedient. Good girl. Haha.. Come to think about it, I should be more rebellion. Why? It's because no one seems to take notice of me. I've came up with 2 reasons why this is so. Firstly, is I'm just too good girl and secondly, I'm not that good looking. Haha.. My bro is always getting the attention from my relatives. They'll always say he's so handsome etc. Not me. The only comment I get (if there is any), is that I'm getting fatter and ask me to go on diet. -_-''' But, as I said, I've already gotten used to it. Now, it's totally numb to me. Not that I want to be in this state, it's partly because of the gene in me. I can't really remember the age when I was slim. I think it's around 2 or 3 years old period, and that's all. Once again, I said that I'll work hard towards it and I hope to achieve some result by the age of 21. After losing attention for so many years, I'm still losing attention. But this time round is to my bro and my nephew. I'm just envy of them for being able to catch people's attention. I feel happy for them. =) As for me, just let it be. I don't really give a damn about it now.
5. Confession
Due to F+S+U, I'm very sure that no guy will like me. Well, it's true. Would you want a girlfriend who is F+S+U (for now)? Doubt so. I do have guy(s) whom I like, and whom I know will surely not like me. Sometimes it just felt so terrible to keep it inside my heart. Thus, I did made my feelings known to him though knowing that we are not possible as I'm not the type he's looking for. Somehow or rather, I felt better after making known my feelings to him. I did not regret even though rejected. Actually, I'm not sad at all as from the start, I already knew that's the answer that I'm going to get. However I still choose to confess to him in order to make myself feel better inside. If not, it's just too terrible feeling. BUT! BUT! BUT! For the latest crush which I had, I did not tell him how I feel. Not because I'm scared being rejected again. It's just because I'm now worried that once I confess to him, he might not even be a friend with me. Don't know why, I just got this feeling that if I were to do it, I'll just lose this friendship as well. In addition, I also know that I'm not the type of girl he's looking for. I'm just far too much different from the type he's looking for. I believe that this terrible feeling will soon fade away soon. YES! It will. I'm 50% done with it. Left 50% to get away from this feeling. =D
YES!! I've finished emptying the bottle in me!! Feeling so happy and light now. Wahaha! Yeah! I'm now getting ready to start a new year already. La La La~ =p (PS: Don't question me, ok? Thanks. Don't ostracise me after reading my blog. Haha.. I'm just venting out what's being kept within me for a year or more.. I'm still the crappy girl whom you know. Or rather, the girl of "few" words... Hahahahahahahahahaha... )
Last but not least, I'll try post those videos and photos which I said in my previous entry.
Ok lah. Going to watch my count down program already. See you guys soon. Happy 2008 in advance. =D Bye~
