the recent me

Feeling not that great recently. At a lost, in a mess. Thoughts were just running wild. Been asking myself so many questions without any answer at all. One question will lead to another question, and these questions seems never ending. The more I ask myself, the more I get depressed. Found myself couldn't really concentrate at work recently, feeling so vexed and disappointed with myself.

(Don't ask me what's the problem, thanks.)

Anyway, all I hope for is that time will "cure" me; meaning I'll get better as time goes by. I must believe in myself that I CAN DO IT! Haha~

I realised that whenever I'm feeling vexed, unhappy or what so ever (negative feelings), I'll travel on a long bus trip home after work. Instead of alighting at YCK, I'll alight at TPY and take a bus home. That's when I'll do some self-thinking while looking at the scenery. Sometimes it really helps to clear my thoughts while sometimes it just fails on me.

Actually, besides travelling on a long bus trip, I would like to go to a beach or with a friend, have a drink (don't have also can) and enjoy the breeze while chatting or confiding the problem(s) encountered and gain some advice from him/her. Well, didn't manage to execute this plan. Haha~ So now the bus is my "companion" when I need to figure out some thoughts.

I'm putting on a strong front, but actually I can be quite fragile at times. I may look happy and smiling all the times is because I don't want to show people the "troubled" me. Nonetheless, I'll always be back to normal soon. Thus it doesn't really matter that much. If I really cannot get over or I need help to regain back to normal, I'll surely approach someone (one of you) for help. Therefore, there's no need for you all to worry about me (for those who really cares about me, which I think is of a countable figure with one of my hands).

Sometimes I really wish that I'm not me; I'm somebody else. Not the stupid me, not the ugly me, not the fat me, not the shorty me. There's just too many parts of me which I don't like. Well, that's what made me who I am today. What do I like about myself then? Tough question! Maybe it's my eyes (including eyelashes) and that's all? Haha~ Think so.

Been so pessimistic these days so I kept telling people and also reminding myself to be optimistic. I can't! Whenever I tried to think of the positive side, all the negative thoughts will just flood my mind and wash away all the positives. I must try harder to psycho myself to look on the bright side of life.

Enough of all those. Anyway, the happier time I had these few days (starting from the day where negatives dominate me) is my lunch time. My colleague(s) keep me entertained and made my mind free of all troubles (for the time being though, but is better than nothing). She/They can be very funny, especially when lunching with the both of them. It can be a very interesting "event". Haha~

Oh ya, have the same question as Buddy; I wonder how many people are actually reading my blog. While, to look on the positive side, the fewer the better then I can blog secrets here. Haha~ Kidding. Negative side is, maybe I should shut this public blog down and create a private one whereby all entries will be secured with password. I think I'll rather shut this down than password it. Haha~