my feelings..

Have you ever wonder what you really want to be or do in the future? Is what you are doing now towards your goal(s)? Or is it just doing it as that's what you think you will be doing in future; maybe due to the course of your study? Or is it really your dream?

Goal(s)? Ambition? Dream(s)? What are they? I always said that I wanna be a Financial Controller (FC) but I keep questioning myself is that what I really want in life? Maybe what u claimed to be your dream/goal is not what you really want inside of you. The inner you should know better or understand better what you wish to do. However, bear in mind that what you really hope to do may not be realistic and you yourself know very well that it's impossible too. Thus, maybe it's better to have a realistic goal being set; your secondary goal in life.

Emo period is round the corner again. A lot questions start popping out in my mind with no answers also. Well, I don't plan to hear any answers either. There are many things in the world that happened or happen(s) or will happen without a clear explanation. Nobody can explain for it as there's actually no answer(s) to the questions. Just live with it and maybe, one day, you might understand why such things happened, but understanding and providing the exact reason(s) are two different things (to me).

Sometimes I really feel unhappy. Why am I here? What am I doing here? Is that what I want in life? Can I don't think so much? Can I don't worry so much? Can I don't care so much, just close one eye and open one eye, or better still, close both eyes? See the children, the kids.. So naive, innocent, carefree.. What are you adults doing, thinking? I don't understand. I don't need to understand as I really don't understand. Leave me alone.. I'm happy now.. Let me enjoy my childhood and worry about things later.

I start to like the feeling of being alone. I don't daze when alone, instead it makes me think a lot. Travelling on a bus, looking at scenery, people buildings etc. sets you thinking and wondering about many things.

I enjoy watching rainfall, listening to the falling rain drops.. So nice, relaxing.. All my unhappiness seems to be washed away together with the rain. I like to look at the sky. So broad and so high. The clouds are so beautiful, all in different sizes and shapes, making the sky even more beautiful.

I enjoy looking at the sea. Hearing the water splashing sound, enjoying the wind. Sitting alone down there sounds rather good isn't it? Though maybe you'll see a lonely back view of mine but that's when you'll really feel your existence. Face your true feelings, don't you think so? That's what I think will happen to me if I really were to be alone there.

The sky, the sea and the wind...